“There is a certain pain that comes from trying to suppress your dreams. If you block it out for long enough, it will grow until you can’t ignore it anymore.”—Sunlight In Winter from “One Foot In The Real World”
I’ve been away from my writing and, in reality, a part of myself for a while now. I have marked my days and months by which medical appointment I need to attend next. I have suppressed thoughts of anger, shame, pain, frustration and remained on one side of the veil; while, I experienced one health care challenge after the other. I couldn’t bring myself to write. Instead, I let the fatigue of it all wash over me. I decided to pack myself away for a while. When I had a free moment from graduate school, I gazed mindlessly at the television. I would feel the spark of creativity or advocacy; but, I would let it pass into my “maybe tomorrows.”
Last December, I wrote a piece called “A Returning” and it impacted a fellow blogger and introduced me to her blog named “Sunlight In Winter.” As I maintained my quiet, heaving myself from one day to the next, she roared—writing about everything from authenticity and creativity to the relationship between pelvic pain and SI joint dysfunction. During this period, I feel her writings have spoken the words I couldn’t find. As I felt for so many months that I was losing my battle, she wrote the fight. Her words spoke of courage, possibility, hope, and strength. I struggled with fate, the concept, the belief, the meaning, the punishment—she wrote that too. There may not be such a thing as fate; but, I believe in serendipity. Her blog came to me that way and has meant that to me.
As you may know from reading my blog, I have been greatly influenced by the existentialist and the absurdist. In particular, I have a fondness for the writings of Albert Camus. I once asked the author of “Sunlight In Winter” if she named her blog after a famous quote by Camus. He wrote: “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” While it was just a coincidence that the name of her blog referenced one of my favorite quotes, her writings fulfill his words. This is a long overdue thank you to her for pushing back, writing the thoughts that so many of us feel, and fulfilling those “maybe tomorrows” for those of us that become weary.
And one foot pointing toward my dreams… I haven’t been able to write as much as I’d like recently, because I’ve been busy focusing on my real-world exploits: specifically, e…
Source: One foot in the real world…
The Blog: Sunlight In Winter